Help with Relationship: I Need Advice with sharing Household Expenses with Live-In Girlfriend?

Hello everyone,





I need a little help with my relationship. My girlfriend and I are having a disagreement over household expenses.





Here is the situation:








She moved in with me in October. We have been together for 13 months. We love each other very much, and we want to be married to each other. We are good Christians. When she moved in, I gave up my master bathroom, and large walk-in closet to her. I don't mind it.





She makes about $70,000 a year before taxes. I make about $80,000 before taxes. We do not live lavish lifestyles, and spend conservatively. I own a small business that is not going well right now. I have a tough time making the household bills every month. The economy is not kind to me right now. She has a very stable job as a healthcare professional. She knows I am struggling with my company. If I have to fold the company, it will be disastrous for me. I'll probably lose everything.





For the first 7 months, we commuted back and forth between each other's places, about 20 minutes apart. She ';rented'; a place from her mom, inasmuch as she paid the utilities, and about $500 rent every month. Moving in with me has created about $200 a month commuting expenses for her, in bridge tolls and gas for her car.





We agreed she would start helping with Household Expenses in December. Her mother is going through a divorce settlement right now, so once that is settled, my GF can start helping out with Household Expenses. The problem is that December turned into January, then February, and now March. In October, her mother moved back into the home by GF was ';renting';.





In my home, the household expenses are about $2850 per month: Mortgage: $2200, HomeOwner's Insurance: $100, Condo Association Fees: $150, Electric/Gas: $190, Water: $40, Cable/Phone/Internet: $165.





Our food bills are about $400-500 per month. She has paid for the groceries most of the time, which is about $150-200 each trip to the grocery store. I'd say she's paid for groceries 2/3rds of the time.





She paid me $200 in February to help out with the bills. So far, that's all she has contributed, outside of paying for food as I mentioned above.





I talked to her about it last night, and it didn't go well. I showed her a list of the expenses, which she is already aware of. She thought I was being condescending, and making her feel like a freeloader. Those were not my intentions at all.





We NEVER argue about ANYTHING. This was the first time I ever made her cry, and I feel bad about it, especially since I didn't intend to upset her.





I asked her if she could pay between $500-800 a month for expenses, and she was shocked. I was so disappointed by her reaction, borderline shocked. I said that even if she paid $600 per month, that's not even 25% of the household expenses. $400 a month is about 15% of the household expenses. She really did not like that. I said I don't know how to spin those numbers any differently - they are what they are.





We would like to be engaged sometime in the next 12-18 months, but right now I have no prayer of being able to afford an engagement ring in that timeframe.





She is able to save at least $1,000 per month in her savings. Meanwhile, I am really struggling to make the household expenses.





Can anyone give me a little bit of advice? How much should she contribute per month?Help with Relationship: I Need Advice with sharing Household Expenses with Live-In Girlfriend?
I think you are being perfectly reasonable in what you are asking her to do. Did she give you a reason why she couldn't help out? I would think that if you are getting married you would share the expenses anyway.





Are you sticking her with most of the housework? She may feel that if she's being treated like a housewife you should support her like one. There has to be a reason she's so upset.





I think you two need to talk again. You two may have been moving too fast. You really need to work all of this out or it's just going to become a huge mess.Help with Relationship: I Need Advice with sharing Household Expenses with Live-In Girlfriend?
maybe you should try approaching it a different way. Instead of telling her that you want her to contribute (which she is taking to mean she doesn't contribute at all and you don't appreciate her), you should sit her down and ask her for help. Tell her that you're having a hard time paying the bills and you need her help. If you do plan to get married then why not consider opening a joint bank account? This way it's not you paying 80% and her paying 20%...the money would come out of a mutual fund. I can certainly understand where you are coming from. She is hording her money while you are not able to put any away. The way i see it, if you're getting married what is yours is hers, and whats hers is yours. so even if she is putting money away once you get married it will be BOTH of your money. Just explain to her you are having a difficult time making the bills and ask her if she has any ideas for a solution. Maybe if you leave it up to her to remedy the situation she will decide to contribute to the bills on her own, which would prob make her feel better bc it's not like you are forcing her to.





good luck %26amp; hope everything works out.
There are different ways to share household expenses. You said you're planning to get married next year. Normally married people don't separate their finances. So your money is her money and her money is your money. If you are going to get married you might as well start doing it this way already. Or are you planning on keeping your finances apart even after you get married? I'd find that strange.





When I was living with my bf we also had roughly the same income. We used his income for rent, food, bills, etc... and my money went straight to the savings account and when we needed a tv, fridge, furniture, holiday, etc we would use this money. My money was his money and his money was my money. We never had any problems.





I'm sure there are other ways of doing it, but this is how we did it.
Somehow, I don't think your girlfriend thinks going dutch is quite proper. Tell her if she can't come up with some of the dosh you will have to get a roomate who will.
How much exactly do you both make after takes?


I really don't understand where all of the money is going if you guys make over 100k a year after taxes. If you pay 3500 in expenses monthly it should be about


42000. You need to explain to her that you've held up your end more than necessary and if the relationship is ever going to work, you both need to be in it. She is not a child therfor you don't need to support her.


Also if she is really excited about the marriage perhaps suggest it might not happen if you both can't work together which is true. Suggest a joint bank account where both your pays can be put into and both can take out money form it when needed.





I hate to say it if this doesn't work perhaps you should rethink your relationship because the maturity and the responsibility isn't there.