Terrible Work Relationship Disaster. Depressed. Advice?

Bit long but you'll see why:


Just had the worst week ever at work due to falling out spectacularly with a 'Friend'. And I'm uncertain what to do next.


I've known 'A' for a year, since starting this job. Although I thought us too different at the start she used to run after me to get me to go for coffee together and I came to really like her company. She was bright and upbeat.We had fun at Xmas night out and really worked well together.


(I should point out here she is engaged so its not that).


However a few months back she was incredibly rude to me for no reason one day (I was 'Boring', someone she'd ';only dance with, not talk to'; etc) and it led to a massive argument, during this it came out that she thought I 'Fancied' her and ';everyone'; knew it. I quickly pointed out I had no such feelings, and later discovered no-one else was talking about us. We kept this to ourselves and seemed to be friendly again. However, there have been moody points. When she was off with a motorbike injury I organised a card from all the staff, but she sent thanks via a female friend (who was a little embarassed) rather than send a text, despite asking previously for my number. I suppose I felt that was a little rude.


Anyway, this week was one of the worst working weeks of my life, if not The. We work rotating shits, and only a few of us are in which usually gives us more time to talk/work together. When we left on Friday we seemed to be fine.


However, all day Monday she ignored me. Tuesday the same, except when I sat beside her she moved from her usual spot saying she ';needed some space';, leading a lot of people to comment on why she moved. And people asking me what I had done.


Wednesday I walked in and she said Good Morning. Irritated, I ignored her (rude, I know but I was feeling irked by this stage) which started her yelling at me and keeping saying 'its been noted' in front of everyone. When told we were to work together that day she marched into our managers stating she refused to work with me, which meant I had to explain to them (people I've known some time) what had happened, including what had happened a few months ago. I found this deeply embarassing. They basically stated we had to sort it out ourselves which led to a terrible day of arguing and a terrible atmosphere at work. When I tried to talk to her she was rather arrogant, stating constantly how I was ';Just a Work Colleague'; and how ';if I liked you at all I'd see you outside work';. She agreed we had had good times together but said she only initially spoke to me because I'd had a few personality clashes at the beginning, not because she liked me.


I found this oddly hurtful. But we agreed to be work colleagues-no more.


Next day in I tried being civil but I was blanked at all turns, and she refused to make eye contact with me. Instead she spent time talking to a man she doesn't even like laughing it up. Slightly exaggerated. Today was more of the same, with her walking off, looking uncomfortable when I started to talk to her and a friend. And talking to everyone but me, with whom she won't even make eye contact.


Worst of all others are starting to act slightly off-key toward me, since she is being friendlier than usual towards others. I suppose the man gets it worst in these situations.


Strangest of all, I feel Guilty about this although I can't think what I did wrong. I seem to make her uncomfortable and that makes me uncomfortable with myself. Out of everyone the last person I wanted to fall out with was her. And with this atmosphere on Thursday I was close to tears.


Should I insist on a transfer? Or refuse to work with her again? I was told I couldn't pick and choose who I work with but I can only see this worsening. Should I just ignore her totally?


I usually enjoy my job. I used to like her. Now both seem to be destined to make me unhappy.Terrible Work Relationship Disaster. Depressed. Advice?
Hi there,





One thing this girl has to realise is that an unhappy workforce is a non productive workforce. So too does your manager. From your comments you realise this but she doesn't. Working in that environment is certainly doing you no good and from what you say about Thursday it has obviously affected you pretty badly although you have nothing to blame yourself for.





When the girl is in a receptive mood try to get over to her that the working environment has brought you together and it is to your and her advantage to co-operate in that environment when working together. You need to be assertive by formulating and communicating your thoughts, opinions and wishes in a clear, direct and non-aggressive way.








You could ask her outright if you do make her feel uncomfortable and invite suggestions in terms of how and why to see if any changes can be made. Personally I do not think anything constructive will be forthcoming as she seems to be prone to mood swings.





Don't concern yourself about others acting slightly off-key towards you. By being more friendly than usual with them she is probably trying to get the ';sympathy vote'; and she is being given that to keep the peace.





You could, if the opportunity presents itself inform your manager of your intentions to stabilise the situation, that you will work with her if you have to but if she does not co-operate you will report her.





The most important thing is to be cordial with everybody including this girl - if the cordiality is not returned that is no reflection on you.





If things do not work out if it is possible ask for a transfer. The manager may become more interested in the circumstances surrounding the request and take appropriate action.





I hope these comments and thoughts will be of some help but please feel free to email me (you have my address) if you consider I can be of further assistance.Terrible Work Relationship Disaster. Depressed. Advice?
Why are you allowing this manipulating woman to spoil your life? She sounds needy and clingy and likes to think every man should find her attractive. And then she is moving away from you to sit elsewhere with the clapped out platitudes of '; I need more space ';. The tricks she is playing should have been left behind in infant school.





Ignore the silly b*tch. Cut her dead and find more rewarding friendships with other co-workers. I hate to say this, but some women are just perverse. Never happy unless they are causing conflict or trouble.





Don't let her rule your life in this way. She is certainly not worth it.
This woman sounds insane and I don't think it ill stop with these outbursts. Ensure you document every nasty thing she does towards you with a date next to it. You will need it as evidence when she tried to have you on a trumped up charge.
My friend run don't walk from this woman. She sounds like she may have some serious issues, possibly manic depressive, and or schizophrenic! Ask that you not have to work with her or ge transferred for your own peace of mind. She doesn't sound worth wondering what you did wrong. Move on quickly! Good Luck
She's the one with a problem, not you. You really haven't done anything wrong. Ignore her and her stupid high-school mentality. It has no place in business. It sounds like she's trying to make herself look better at your expense. You can apply for a transfer if you want, but you could also beat her at her own game. Do your job better than ever and stay out of her little drama, and you'll show yourself to be the better person.