Friday, April 30, 2010

I need some advice on my relationship..can YOU help?

My boyfriend has made alot of promises regarding a further commitment (proposing)after a fight he thought it would be better to work on things first and I agreed...I feel like I'm the only one working on the relationship and I've told him this today...he doesn't seem to understand that...how do I get him to see that if things don't start happening regarding a further commitment that I'm going to stop wasting my time and move on...I explained that I feel like he hasn't been making an effort to working on things...listening to how I feel about things and being sensitive when I'm upset...are major issues for me...I need to feel understood and respected. would making myself seem distant and uninterested help make him realize that if he doesn't start working on making a commitment and helping with relationship issues he's going to risk losing me???I need some advice on my relationship..can YOU help?
To start with, one needs to know how old both of you are. Generally speaking, ladies mature faster than men. You might feel that your boyfriend isn't making any 'effort' but he is trying his best within limits of his developmental stage. My simple advice is to keep talking. Only time can tell if your relationship will work. You will know when the time comes. Believe me.I need some advice on my relationship..can YOU help?
You answered your own question in the beginning.


If you want him to see that you are serious that if he doesn't start getting serious about making a more serious commitment that you will leave...then leave!!!


It's that simple, and if you really mean that, then that's what you have to do.


Let him know.


I'm not saying to tell him he has 3 months to propose because if you guys have stuff to work on, then marriage isn't going to make your problems going away, but you have to be seriously ready to walk away from him if he doesn't step up his game.


You said it yourself. So after a set amount of time...what you consider is a considerate amount of time, if he hasn't done what he needs to do, then you have to do what you feel is necessary which is leave. If he really loves you and wants to be with you then he will come running...


However, you have to be ready to accept the fact that he might not...
Dump him. He doesn't deserve you. Your too good for him.
Geeeez - so, you want to play petty games to see if he notices?


I'm voting that neither one of you is ready for ';a further commitment.';
if u cant communicate with him, playing sily games with him is not gonna do you any good. Action speaks louder than words, if all he does is talk crap, dump him!!
Good Lord if the man doesn't listen toy ou what is the point of him wanting to commit further in the future. Maybe he just said that to keep you hanging on. Obviously you need to treat him the way he is treating you and if he doesn't get the hint from that then he has got problems. If he doesn't take note of how uninterested you become etc then you may have to leave and see what his reaction his. He may realise what he has lost if you actually leave not just making up from a fight.
at least you have figured this out before you get married!!!
He is not the right man for you. Instead of saying you are going to do all these things, do them. I promise you, that if he loves you, really loves you, the day you say you are living his ***, he will either ask you to marry him, or you will get this expression on his face that says'; frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn'; and then you know you made the right move. If you feel you are wasting your time,he is not the guy for you. YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE ONLY ONCE, AND YOU CAN NEVER GET THE TIME YOU WASTED, BACK. Think about it
i think you should stop listen to him and start payin him love when he talk you start talkin and you would get your respect
Talk is cheap. Move on.
Theres just some people like that..you feel like you give everything in a relationship and it still isnt good enough.
if u love him give him time, when some pressure me i get scared, stop hemming him in a corner
i couldnt have said it better, did we ever have a reltionship, sounds like i heard that before my self
He's not wanting a COMMITTED relationship or he would not hesitate. Dump the jerk.
NO, NO. JUST TELL HIM OUTRIGHT THAT YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH. EITHER HE COMMIT TO YOU AND SHOW YOU SOME COMPASSION OR YOU ARE GOING TO MOVE ON. IF HE DOESN'T RESPOND TO THAT, THEN IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO DO JUST THAT. AS TIME GOES ON, IT WON'T GET ANY BETTER.. SOMETIMES THE LONGER YOU ARE WITH SOMEONE THE MORE THEY TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED..BETTER TO FIND OUT NOW
If he is not willing to work on the relationship now, what makes you think that he would if you were to get married? Yes, I think that you should take some time, Maybe go for a week and don't see him or take his calls. Find out what it is that you are looking for and really contemplate if you believe that he is capable of giving it to you. Some relationships just do not work out. As long as he can keep you around by making promises to work on things, why should he fulfill his promises. It is a matter of your happiness. Are you willing to compromise your happiness to be with him if he doesn't want to work on things? Honey, good relationships take a lot of work and compromise from both people involved in a relationship and if he is not willing to put forth the effort to make your relationship work then it is better to find out now. Best of luck to you.
I don't think the issue is that your bf doesn't understand what your say. In fact bet he understands more than you think. The problem is that he my not be ready to take the relationship to the next level. At the same time he does not want to lose you. You need to be firm about what you want and need him to be. Do not give him any (or else) when your talking to him but be firm. Stick to your guns if you need to move on don't be sacred. It may take not calling him for a week or two for him to get the picture.
if you are already having feelings such as these, you should definately wait to get married, just give it time.


He may not be your soulmate.
Neither of you will have to pretend if this keeps up. Unless something changes, being uninterested and distant will eventually happen. No one should really play games. games are for kids and if any sound-minded person wants thier relationship to be serious and continue at an adult level then they have to meet true problems straight-on and make thier partners realize with brutal honesty.


tell him that if he doesn鈥檛 try to patiently understand your needs and listen to what you're asking for then you'll wind-up hating him. but do it without giving him an ultimatum and seek professional help. professionals really know how to help people understand where the problems are coming from... plus, they can help you find out where some issues with communication could use some polishing... i hope that helps... I'm no expert on relationships but its sometimes easier or hits home when you hear it from someone else... counseling is the best way to go... always
i dont think you should waste your time on someone that doest care. but you should really work it out before making any decisions. You never know what might happen.
He isn't taking you seriously, and he is a typical male who believed the relationship is ';women's work';. Make up your mind and do what is best for you. If he follows, great, if not you are free to find true love.
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