1. We aren't able to spend enough time together. We can't do a lot to fix this because the kids always come first and we knew it would be that way. I now have to live an hour away so that my kids can go to a particular school. She stayed in the home we bought because her kid needed to stay and not have any changes.
2. The time we have together we don't enjoy because of much of the stress that our kids put us through. She is always stressed, sad and slightly paranoid. She tries to read between the lines to much and adds to the stress.
We are 38 (me) and 47 (her) and immaturity is not the problem. These are real problems that I don't know how to solve. I am to close to the situation to see a way out.
Any ideas?Relationship problems. Do you have advice?
Make time for yourselves.
There is an old saying...';We interrupt this love affair to bring you children';.
It is vital that you find alone time...it is quality and not quantity that matters. Put her mind at ease with loving and gentle words and be honest...tell her you are feeling the pressure too and it is really important that you pull together as a team.
You may want to consider having your children change schools. I am not sure if there are extenuating circumstances and that is why they need to go to the school they are in or if you are just trying not to disrupt their lives. Kids are resilient. When they are grown and start dating and such it will just be the two of you...pull it together now or you will be lost later.Relationship problems. Do you have advice?
The kids need to see a model of a healthy relationship. The relationship comes first, don't be so picky about the school that your children go to and put your family back together. Find someone to watch the children and spend some time reconnecting with your wife. You both need fun, laughter and togetherness, not stress and paranoia.
well what i think is that if you to love each other you should work it out (immature on my part) kids get in the way as much as we love them! however have you talked about schooling them together or even remotely close to each other? i know kids come first but i wouldn't loose her because one of you cant move your kids! im sure that now or later the kids will understand! you should live in the house you bought!
Make time yes, that's right............make time
Excuses won't cut it.......Make everything else suffer for a change, kids, work whatever.
Just plan a night out with her and woo her like you would if you were trying to get her to date you.
Life is too short and if she left you, or died how important would everything else be?
and do it at least once a month......make time for you and her.
If you can't be together - that doesn't make for a relationship. You guys can either move in together (step it up a notch) or move on to a relationship that will allow you to be whole and together. It's that or accept things as is and live with it.
My advice is to break up. If you don't even care enough about each other to live together and get married, it's weird that you're taking a half-hearted stab at playing house together.
You could live together and keep your kids in their school based on their mom's address, if you're willing to commute an hour. Just an idea.
Long-distance relationships are tough. Blending families is tough. You have a double whammy here.
I don't know if the problem lies in your circumstances or your relationship per se, or in the way you or your partner handle stress. It's a tough situation, you are both making tough choices - and if your relationship is to survive, you both need to ';toughen up';. How long will this situation continue? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? I.e., if your kids are graduating school in, say, a year, you just have to weather one year of living apart. However, if this arrangement is going to continue for a long period of time, both of you might need to weigh your options: something will have to give. There's no easy answer in this situation. Boiled down to the basics, your options are to make peace with the lack of together time and continue the relationship (both you and your partner need to come to terms with your situation and make the best of it); work on a different living arrangement that would satisfy you both (this includes considering changing schools, among other things); or concede defeat, acknowledging that the relationship is not working, and split up. If you don't want to take the third road, your solution lies in either adapting to the situation, working to change it, or both.
First - age and maturity do not necessarily go hand in hand. What is she anxious and paranoid about?
I do not understand why your kids had to change schools and you had to move to accomplish this - maybe that is a big part of the paranoia and stress?
I also do not understand why her child couldn't have any changes. Change is a part of life and learning to cope with changes is important - better to learn as a younger person than to be a stressed, anxious, paranoid older person.
You don't say how often you guys get to see each other and whether or not you are making couple time without the children - that might help.
Counseling might help as well.
Good luck.
As bad as you both don't want to admit it, something is going to have to give, either sell the house and find a location that is more central for you both or split up and live different lives, since it sounds like you don't want to split up, then you two are going to have to relocate your household to a different place. Even if your kids need a certain school to attend and hers do too, you two can make arrangements for them to stay there, altho I'd be looking into something new that they all can go to instead of the stress of the set up you have now, if there is one, then there is another school that does the same thing. She sounds like the stress is causing her to change, same as it does you, and it's coming out the way you stated in your question, she is frustrated by what is going on and it makes her sad which is being taken out on you, since your the younger of the two, that is the way it usually goes in those 'May-December' relationships, be it man/woman; man/man or woman/woman.
Both of you need to block out some 'alone' time and have a honest talk about this and where do you two want to take the relationship from this point in your lives. It is good that the both of you are bending over backwards to care for the kids, but you two need to invest some time in yourselves also, or everybody loses.
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