Please give me advice about my relationship with my bf?

My bf is very good to me, he is honest, always there for me and makes me feel good.





When I first started seeing my bf he told me he would never text me because he hates it. I used to send him texts probably about 3 times a week or so with a message how I was feeling at the time. Suddenly he did the same back to me within a couple of weeks, which made me very happy. I acknowledged to him that I was very happy he took the effort and time to do that for me and how special I thought it was. Gradually as we could spend a little more time together ( we have situation that doesn鈥檛 always permit much time together) he slowed down his messages quite a bit, so when I asked him about it since it had been a long time, (about 1.5 months) he said he didn鈥檛 like doing it anyway and that I just ruined it for myself because I asked him about it, he was not going to do it anymore. This upset me very much, we have had a few discussions about it because I brought it up thinking if he understood that his efforts made me happy then he might send me one every once in a while. He told me that he honestly thinks about texting me sometimes but he doesn鈥檛 because he doesn鈥檛 want to hear it when or if he stops.





I tried to compare it to the back rub that he mentioned I didn't give him the other day (his back has been bothering him) and I explained I didn鈥檛 give him a rub because I was tired, and that he didn鈥檛 ask me to do it anyway and he said ';I shouldn鈥檛 have to ask. I didn't want to throw in the similarities to the text thing because this would upset him. I know I should have let it go, but I can鈥檛 help myself. He tells me I am insecure, I know I am, but I don鈥檛 know how to stop feeling the way I feel about things. I feel I am well on my way to screwing this one up, however read further, it makes me wonder is it only me?





His friend asked him to come to a big party he was having, my bf never gave him an answer as to if he would come, so his friend started saying you better come or else I will have to drag you there, my BF then said to never threaten him and now he was not going to come at all because he was pushing him. He ignored his friends calls and pleads for him to come and ignored his friends apologies until a while after the party was over, this was for a couple of months. I see the same kind of thing going on here. What do you think of his behavior? There are more similar incidents, some with me and some with family and friends. He has an incident with his 7 year old son now, his son is mad and said he wont visit him anymore, he wont call his son and say, hey I want to do something with you this weekend, instead he tells me if his son doesn鈥檛 call him he wont go pick him up and he wont be getting him a birthday present next month if he doesn鈥檛 call before then. I told him your son is 7 you should buy him a gift and you should call him. Even if the incidents with me push his buttons the wrong way, why does he do the same to everyone else?








One last point, he goes on a regular basis to all of his friends houses and works on things for them fixing things that break and never asks for anything in return, he is also a very giving person, lending people money and never asking for it back, he has done so many nice things for me as well. Everyone still likes him and wants to be his friend even the party friend. He is very confident in himself and he is truly a good person. I don鈥檛 understand that part of him or how to deal with it. I think eventually this will become a major issue for me. I don鈥檛 want to leave him or I am not at that point yet. I even feel like if we broke up, even if he wanted me back he would make no effort because he doesn鈥檛 want to be seen as weak. I would have to go after him and then maybe, I don鈥檛 want to give him up, but I want him to stop this. He tells me if I am not happy then maybe he is not the right guy for me. I hate that answer, I want him to feel like he doesn鈥檛 want to lose me either, but with that statment I think he would be fine without me. I am afraid I am losing him, when I tell him this he says I am insecure. I am feeling hopeless. Sorry this goes on and on, I need some other perspective on this situation. Please help me out.Please give me advice about my relationship with my bf?
It seems like your bf has grown up in a controlling home. Either one of his parents was that way towards him, he saw one of them treat the other that way or his life up to this point has been out of control. Regardless he has a control issue now. He wants to control everything and everyone around him.





The ideal girl for him would be a meek person who likes being told what to do and how things are going to be. Unfortunately that doesn't sound like you.





Your bf is not going to change. I repeat WILL NOT CHANGE. Don't fool yourself into thinking that he will. I'm sure he cares about you and would be sad if he lost you, otherwise why would you be around in the first place? However he is not the type to beg you back if you leave. That is one way to control you; act like he doesn't care. It works doesn't it?





The fact that he does that to his own son, who is 7 reveals that he is very immature himself. He is acting like a child and even though he is a good friend to people he is not a very good father. His son will grow up with issues that your bf will regret when he grows up himself and realizes the scars he left on his son.





You say your not ready to leave him yet but I think you know this relationship is not what you are looking for. The faster you end it the sooner you can be available for a guy who deserves you. Good luck.Please give me advice about my relationship with my bf?
tell him that it is really bothering you and you guys need to talk for 5-10 minutes
idk wat the question is


but wat ever the problem is taLk to him and let him know how u feel about the things he does
Meh. He seems very immature in his responses to things; honestly, I dont know how old you two are, but I was shocked when I came to the part about his having a 7 year old son, because this guy comes across as being about 17 years old, emotionally. He is pretty controlling, in a ';nice-guy'; kind of way, but still controlling - things just have to be his way, and if anyone pushes, or makes an issue of it, he digs in his heels. Basically, he hasn't grown up, and he is locked into a really childish idea of what it means to be a man - like, that compromise is weak, that talking about something is weak. That is a bunch of horse flop. It takes MORE strength and MORE intelligence to be able to talk about something and be flexible and to come to a true compromise. With him, it is pretty much ';my way or the highway';, and if you disagree, I will dig my heels in, or (metaphorically speaking) hold my breath until I turn blue, which is kind of childish.





You are feeling hopeless, because I think in some ways you are a bit insecure, and it seems like you too have problems compromising (like, I am sorry, the thing about the texting is ridiculous, IMO - if you are seeing the guy, why the heck do you need to get so validated and hung up about his texting? I don't much like texting either - cut the man some slack; why is this so important to you? Just sayin' ) If the two of you set stakes in the ground, and refuse to come together - which seems inevitable, the way you two are both wired - then you won't have the key component that is needed to make any relationship succeed, which is the desire to please the other person, and for both parties to compromise for the overall health and quality of the relationship. The fact that you are arguing over the dynamics of what would happen if you broke up is really telling.





Bottom line: you insecure and inflexible. He insecure and inflexible, and thinks that there is something particularly manly and meritorious in being inflexible. No wonder he is divorced. It does not bode well for your relationship, because basically, because of his wiring, it will be all about him - he will refuse to learn a new way of doing things, will stay eternally 17 emotionally, and will continue to passively control all his relationships, while thinking he is doing the right thing. (barf). And for you, it will always be a question of how much you are willing to give up to have it all be about him. (which will constantly feed your insecurity). IMO, not a good relationship. It MAY be that if you could understand and see the things that he does do, and let go of some of the petty cr@p that you seem to feel is necessary in a relationship, that he might ease up. I seriously doubt it though - he seems to have real issues. And';nice-controlling'; people are still just as controlling and as disconcerting to deal with as angry-controlling people - the only difference is that it is harder to see how big a problem THEY are, since everyone says, ';oh, everyone likes them, they're so nice, give you the shirt off their back..'; You will always take a back seat to him, as will his kid. That's a sad, creepy prospect. I'd dump him if I were you.
ive been in relationship for 6 years. here's some advice.





no offense, but the texting issue is not a huge deal. it should not be the make or break of your relationship. if he decides to text you, yes, thats special to you, but if you have to ask, what is special about it. if you ask, he's only doing it because you asked, not because he wants to.





the issue with his son is something you really can't help. it's HIS son. he should fix that and you can be supportive, by talking to him and maybe suggesting things for them to do, but other than that, there really isn't anything you can do if your not the mother.





the party incident seems to show that your boyfriend does NOT like being told what to do. he is apparently a very independent person. it's not that he doesn't care, he likes being able to make the decisions for himself. being pushed into situations is not something he wants to do or may be able to handle.








he is not a bad person at all. judging from how kind he is. he must be a very proud person who likes to see other people succeed. and constantly telling him you are afraid of losing him is not going to strenghten your relationship. this isn't a major flaw. you have to understand that its just part of his personality - his independence. by being a strong woman, and knowing that you are comfortable in the relationship is what is going to help you.





good luck.
wow this guy sounds kinda proud. i dated a guy last year that sounds like him. needless to say we broke up. but if he wont commit to make u happy then maybe he isn't the right guy for you. even though i dont know how long u have been going out with him, i think ur ok in feeling insecure just as long as you dont let it take over your life. its good that this guy is honest and giving but if he does the same thing with his son like if u dont call me i wont pick u up anymore, sorry but that is not a great way to treat a child. well if he keeps making you unhappy and doesnt even try or want to change his ways to make you happy, then he needs to walk...
Hey, I known this sounds harsh, but he seems a little mean and that he like to pick on people that are smaller than him just to make himself look better. Try to talk to him, and if he doesn't change the way he is, I suggest you break up with him. No insults if you're not a girl, but you are a woman who doesn't need to have someone put them down all the time. No one needs that. I know it's hard, but if your relationship goes any farther, then I think he might REALLY start controlling you.