Need advice on my relationship....?

Ex boyfriend advice- MEN ages 30-40 HELP ME!!!?


I need some serious advice and insight-


My ex and I have been having fights lately. His father has stage 4 lung cancer and it's gotten progressively worse. J, my boyfriend, is in a state of despression, self-reflection (he has some issues within himself he wants to work out), and intense stress. We have ';broken up'; but, we talk every day and after we have huge blow-outs...we admit that we love and care for each other. We also continue to express that we miss each other and feel like we have lost our best friend. We are in contact constantly and care about what's going on in the others lives.


WHAT IS GOING ON???





Is this person keeping me in his life because he loves me and wants us to work out? Do you think he feels weak as a man right now and just needs time to sort his **** out before he can try and focus on our relationship again? This is a good man, who is 38- not looking to play games and waste time. We are both staying faithful to the other eventhough we are not technically ';together';. How do I interpret his love and continuing to reach out and engage in my life? Does he just need time to get strong again and get a grip on his issues and dealing with his father dying?


We wanted to get married and have a family. Something we were very open and honest about. Should I hold onto faith that this will work itself out since there is so much love? Should I give him space to resolve his stress and issues and trust he will come back since he hasn't really done anything to PROVE that he wants to lose me, other than just screaming things when he's angry?


Thanks!





T


Need advice on my relationship....?
Really this is a terribly difficult question to answer. I mean you guys broke up during a time period that is probably the most difficult time he has ever had to go through. It's difficult to see how the two of you could work through the trials of a marriage if you can't stand beside him now.





The question to ask yourself isn't how he is dealing with the slow painful imminent death of his father but how you two interacted before this. Did you fight before? Does he have depression? Does he normally go through bouts that he cannot help and isn't willing to seek therapy for because EVERYONE would be depressed dealing with what he is dealing with and it would help if you understood that.





Love isn't enough so the fact that you love each other and care about what's going on isn't really a factor. Are you compatable? Have you talked about the serious issues in life: children, religion, finances, household responsibilities.





He may be keeping you in his life b/c he can only deal with one major loss at a time. He isn't in a position to be thinking about your relationship. He can't possibly be thinking about if he wants to marry you or not right now. He is dealing with something far more traumatic. But was he meeting your needs PRIOR to this tragedy?





It is really unsettling the way you describe these things. His father is dying. You wonder if he needs time to work his **** out before he can try and focus? Does he just need to get a grip? Events like this make or break a relationship. You learn a lot about a significant other and he may be learning that you aren't quite as serious as he is about life in general. He needs a pillar of strength, a person who loves him for him regardless and is a soft place to fall when the world is shattered. If you give him space now, the relationship is over but remember that he isn't able to be the man you know and love. He is broken and in pain. He needs you to be the strong force in his life. If you can't be that, go ahead and leave now b/c the relationship won't last.Need advice on my relationship....?
Well, I'm not a man, and even though this question is in the wedding section, I will try to help because your question really hit a note with me. I went through something similar with an EX who had a sick parent and basically, he just needed to get his stuff together and couldn't really concentrate on us as a relationship.


Our relationship did not make it through this hardship, but maybe yours will.


I would write him a letter explaining that even though you are not together now, tell him you still care for him and remind him that you planned on marrying him and spending the rest of your life with him and that he should realize all couples go through hardships and the thing you have to remember is to not take it out on the other person, but to lean on them for support and strength through your difficult time.





GOOD LUCK!