Need some advice, with my relationship with my daughter? I'm I just scared to lose her?

I think I just ruined my relationship with my daughter? My daughter is 18 years old her boyfriend is 24 years old, I didn't have a problem with them dating. He is a very nice young man I like him I know he would never hurt my daughter. But yesterday my daughter brought her boyfriend here, he asked me if he could marry my daughter, I said no not right now and to wait a year or two. Then my daughter came in crying and asked why she can't marry him I just said they're to young. She said to me why won't I let her be happy. I don't know what to do me and my daughter are very close I am a single father she is all I have, she won't talk to me and avoids me in the house.Need some advice, with my relationship with my daughter? I'm I just scared to lose her?
I think society has made a mistake making young people think they must go to college and get a career in order to be happy. Last time I checked a career can't offer you true love and the things (people) that life is truly about.





I fell in love head over heals, not lust, but true love when I was 17 years old. I tried to pursue college but my heart longed to be with the man I knew I was supposed to be with. So I got married at barely 19! I am now 26 and have been happily married almost 7 years! I have the best job in the world, I am a wife and a mother full time. Never in my young years would I have thought this would of been my path. My parents may have protested but they saw how in love I was and didn't inter fer with my happiness.


I think back and wonder what kind of person I would of been if I didn't marry my husband and went to college for a four year degree instead. Let me tell you, I would be miserable. My husband is the only man I have been with and I know if I went to college with today's standards I would of had a few partners which makes me sad to think. I would have some job (maybe) that lead to no where and probably regretting I let the one true love get away.





I have heard many women who have the degree and had the job say no job is better than being a stay at home wife and mother.





Plus there are many couples who do marry and do get their degrees if that is there dream, happens everyday.





I would hope that as her father you can tell if she really loves this man and no squish the oppurtunity of her life time. Please stand by her, I have a good friend who is 26 and her father won't be at her wedding, you don't know how much money this poor girl has spent on counsling to get over this so she can marry the man of her dreams. Never should a girl have to choose between her future husband and her father..never!





Also, to really answer your question, let me tell you that since I have married my husband my father and I have grown into a very strong relationship. I need my father I feel even more so now then I did then. As a daughter there are two main men in your life, your husband and your father. Then you may be blessed with a son and you see traits of the two men that you love in that son and let me tell you there is no greater love. You will not loose your daughter unless you choose to do so. Once daddies little girl, ALWAYS daddies little girl :). Please give her your blessing, apologize to her and talk about the relationship. Talk to her about your relationship and what worked and what didn't. Talk to her about hardships of being in a marriage, but also the joys of a marriage. But most of all let her know you support her decision and that she will always be your little girl!!!





Keep your relationship strong and someday you will get a double blessing called, ';grandchildren!!'; Then you will learn a whole new love for your daughter and the new child. My dad is a hard man but he couldn't stop the tears when I gave birth to my daughter three years after being married. The way he looked at me and the way he held his new grandbaby is a moment I will never forget and has bound us in an even tighter father and daughter relationship.





Best of Luck to you and your daughter. Remember Children are a life time commitment!Need some advice, with my relationship with my daughter? I'm I just scared to lose her?
She's 18. She doesn't need your permission. I suggest you rethink your answer. If he's nice and she's of age and she loves him, what's the problem?





She's not too young to get married. A couple of 19 year olds I know got married last summer when they were 18 and they're doing great. In the olden days people got married much younger than they do now. We infantilize young people in our present age.
ive been in your daughters position and i can tell you right now she probably hates u with everything she is right now. the best u can do is give her time and let her heal herself. its not like she lost him...he just has to wait a little while and show how much they really lover eachother before marriage. dont push her away anymore though because that WILL [[guaranteed]] lead to some bad decisions. give her time. she'll get over it.
ahh familly problems every one has them if i were you i would sit down talk to her explian why she cant marry him i am shure she would understand but you cant stop them she is considered an adult know i am shure you dont want to hear this but you have to
Hi James,


Ask your daughter if she will give you a few minutes to speak with you about something that is important to you. Then tell you daughter something like:


Honey, I want to talk with you about you wanting to get married. First, I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and I'm scared of losing you. I know you are all grown up and want to marry xxxx. He is a very nice man and I like him; I am certain he loves you and that he would never hurt you. When he asked me if he could marry you, all I thought about was myself - that I don't want to lose the love of my life. I was wrong to think that I would be losing you; I now realize that I will be gaining a son instead of losing a daughter. I want with all my heart for you to be happy, and if xxxx makes you happy, then I am happy also. I would like for you to consider waiting a year or two, just so that you two can get to know each other better and for me to get to know xxxx. However, if you chose not to wait, I will be glad to give you my blessings. I love you, xxxx, and you will look beautiful in your wedding dress! Xxxx, I want you to know that I will always be here for you!


Best Wishes!
Well you need to look at the real reason you said no. My younger sister got married at 18 and has been married to the same man for 25 years. I guess it is likely that she might get divorced, but she just might make this marriage work but it is her life and her mistakes to make. I think you should find a way to talk to her and share your real fears. Maybe you should suggest they take marriage classes before they get married. Just because you say no, doesn't mean she has to honor your wishes, she will probably marry the guy anyway.
I think you should try to communicate with her. Also, make sure you let her know that you do want her to be happy, therefore, you are concerned for her future. She is not going to be the same person 10yrs from now. And ask her, where she sees herself in the future. If she thinks she knows, then all you can do is tell her the right and wrong and hopefully, her emotions wont come into play. If she doesn't listen then you have to let her be. Some family counseling will help too if you're afraid of losing her.
I understand both sides of the story. You think she is too young to know what she wants, which she is. I'm nineteen, and I know this is too young to get married.





How long has she been dating him? Years or a couple months?





On the other hand, she thinks you are being unfair, because in her own mind, she is old enough to know what she wants.





It's a tough decision, but I think you should let her decide on this one. It's her life and she must learn, even if it's the hard way. Her decision is her decision, and since she is at the stage of rebellion, she will do what she wants no matter what you say. You have to let her go, and trust that she will make the right decision and remember what you have taught her. Leave the option up to her, but tell her your opinion of how it's never wrong to wait, because marriage is a huge commitment.





I hope things go back to normal for you and your daughter.
James, there is nothing wrong with your response to his asking to marry her. You are her father and have every right to your opinion.





Of course she is going to be upset, she is only 18 and in love for probably the first time. You are not preventing her from being unhappy, she just disappointed for now. Its not like you are saying they cannot be together, of course they can, and she can still be happy just BEING with him. You are not stopping her happiness. I do think its a sticky situation because he is 24 and may very well be ready for marriage. She is just a big young.





What does his family think? If they are agreeable with you, then all the parents should talk with them. I think 90% of parents would have reacted the same way.





True she is 18, and can marry regardless, which she might do. In that case just support her but make it clear you still wish they would wait. You will not loose her over this unless she is spoiled and ungrateful, which I doubt she is since she had her boyfriend ask your permission in the first place. Most teens would skip that all together.





Once time passes and you two eventually have a nice long talk, you can understand each others point of view. You do not need to agree with each other, but its more important to just understand each other. Maybe you can come to an agreement like a long engagement and set a date for down the line. That way, she has her acceptance and fiance, and you have a bit more time. Don't completely shut down the idea, give her some hope to bring down her walls. Maybe encourage them to live together and establish a steady income and a life together first. Hopefully she is willing to take these steps to show you as well as to prove to herself that she is truly ready for a marriage.





This will not permanently damage your relationship as long as the both of you are open to listening and compromising. This is a new obstacle neither of you have faced before, but hopefully will only bring you closer together in the end.