Need advice re bad relationship with mother?

I have a bad relationship with my mother, we never really got on. I'm the eldest of five children and have always felt that my mother has scape goated me for her unhappiness. She sees me as useless and as no ';asset'; to the family. When I was younger she repeatedly told me that I had ';brought a bad element into the house.'; she constantly criticised me, particularly for being over weight. As a teenager she told me that I would never amount to anything and that my younger siblings would be more successful.She constantly told me that I was ';odd'; and was the very same as my father's mother ( who she didnt get on with). I dont have a great relationship with my siblings- I always felt like I didnt fit into the family and find it hard to relax around them. Basically i feel like I cant be myself when I'm with my family. when I was in school my mother constantly compared me to other students academically, which I think has had a really negative affect on my self esteem. I think that my mother does have a huge problem with me and that the underlying reason is resentment. I never received encouragement from her and the only feed back I get from her is negative. I went to college and graduated but decided to move home (prob not the smartest move),the main reason being to save money. things have gone form bad to worse with my mother- I think I'm at the point where I no longer want a relationship with her. When I moved back she made it clear that she wasnt hapy about it and that it was going to be on her terms. thats fair enough, but she has treated me unbelievably badly.She is constantly trying to pick fights, making snide remarks- it's very difficult to live with. i think she sees me as a failure because I'm at home, however I'm working %26amp; saving money and will be gone asap. things have gotten very bad between us on a few occasions with her packing my bags and getting my father to drive me to a bus station. Once I had to stay in a hostel for a week. This happens when I go against her, the last time I was thrown out was because her phone was ringing and I didnt answer it. My father stood up for me once, but at home nobody goes against my mother as she is a tyrant.She has told me that nobody wants me at home and that they're all so much happier when I'm not there. In my experience my mother always finds somebody to fight with, so it doesnt matter if I'm there or not she will always be unhappy. At the moment I'm trying to keep away from her as much as possible and I'm counting down the days till I leave- I'm seriously considering cutting off contact with her when I leave. I'm just wondering does anyone have any similar experiences, or any advice? sometimes I wonder if I'm over reacting but this is how I feel and dont see it changing any time soonNeed advice re bad relationship with mother?
I had a very similar situation. One day she kicked me out and I never told her where I was living. (She was stalking one of my friends for a time because she wanted to talk to me.) Never spoken with her again.Need advice re bad relationship with mother?
Sounds slightly familiar, but my situation was not as bad. I moved 400 miles away and talk to my mother maybe once a year. Even that is a chore. I am all the better for it. You'll find yourself, give it time. I'm 46 and have no regrets about staying as far away from her as possible.
You are not overreacting. I agree that you should say i don't like the way you treat me or talk to me. If it continues which i'm sure it will than give her an ultimatum, she treats you with more respect or you leave, and lose contact with her, and by then its her choice
I completely understand my mom is like this too. I am only 15 though and I have to live with them. I usually don't talk to her and I stay in my room. But I can wait to be by myself though.
sounds to me like your mother doesn't love you i don't know why some mothers resents their children its not your fault she gave birth to you since she doesn't want you there if i were you i would get my own place and not let her come in there being rude and mean to you my mother died when i was 18 from cancer she had five kids living i was next to the youngest i was the youngest girl she treated us all the same she was a good mother
i think your mother must have had a terrible childhood or just didn't get a proper upbringing..maybe that is why she is always at you..look i think if your absence keeps you and your mother happy, if she doesn't really miss you or wonder where you are then leave your home as soon as possible.


i am sorry for you that you have such a mother, just don't be like that to your kids in future..


good luck for your future:)
This sounds like an abusive relationship. Does she treat any of the other siblings badly?





I'm telling you, I would hold out at home as long as I could and save as much money as I could, so that when I left I wouldn't have to ever ask for anything.





You ARE successful! You put it hard work and it took a lot of dedication to graduate from college. Lots of kids move home after graduation to save money.





Have you tried talking to her? She sure does sound unreasonable, but maybe if you told her that the way she treats you hurts your feelings and makes you sad, maybe, just maybe she would give you a break? But from the way it sounds, anyone with any common sense at all would know that saying how happy they are when you aren't around would hurt your feelings. ugh. I am disgusted that you've had to put up with this your whole life.





It must hurt so much. But let me tell you something...you are going to be amazing. You're an adult, you can do it own your own now. You don't need her financially and she is bruising you emotionally, so what would be the point in staying around? Keep a good relationship with your father, but distance yourself from your abusive mother, even if it is only emotionally. Don't let what she says get to you. You're old enough to know better, now. You are not an outcast, they are not happier when you are not there, you aren't a disgrace....you're mother is just a weird abusive person with self-esteem so LOW that she has to emotionally abuse her family. She's mentally ill.





Live with it as long as you can. Save that money, and use this time to grow closer to your father. While you have to still see your mother, that doesn't mean that you can't cut her off emotionally, even now, and more so once you move out. Don't let her alienate you from the rest of your family, though. If you have to see her or speak to her once in a while, fine. Treat her as an acquantance, not as someone who deserves your affection or attention.





I want to tell you that I love you, and I don't even know you. But I do, I love you and God loves you, and you can do it.
I would take your own advice and cut off contact with her immediately when you move out.





I don't care how old you are; that is abuse. She's taking advantage of what she thinks is your insecurities and just feeding it to make herself feel better. She's bullying you, and it's not fair. Just acknowledge your mistake, move on and MOVE OUT.





This isn't about you and her. This is about her, and her unnecessary drama that you don't need.

g