Men in general have no parenting abilities... not many mothers would choose sleep over taking care of their baby as the baby is simply more important. Even when you're SOOO tired you get up anyways, right? Men pretend they dont hear, or rationalise it to themselves to stay in bed. What's another half hr/hr in a dirty diaper they think. Their own hunger wins out over their baby's needs as well... it's ridiculous. I can't count how many times I've gone hungry/let my food go cold to take care of my daughter first... my husband has NEVER done this. He'll make her wait, crying, until he's done. It gets me so upset and I think, how could I have been so wrong about him as he seemed like he would be such a great father before she was born. He was so excited, and went with me to all the Dr visits, etc... it's a different hard wiring in their brain is all I can come up with because he truly thinks he does enough in taking care of her. We've certainly got into enough fights about it, and I just have to let it go.
As far as his mother sleeping in your bed, I hate having anyone else in my bed as well so I can relate. He let friends of his stay in our apartment without asking, so when I got back and learned they had slept in my sheets and everything I was so mad at him. I didnt want to use the sheets after that, even if they had been washed. It's a personal thing to share your bed! But my husband doesnt agree at all and cant understand, so he doesnt think it's valid for me to get upset at that. Does he ever though??
If you still love your fiance, then talk to him about how your feeling in as nice and open way as you can. Dont let it build up. But do realise that men will NEVER live up to expectations. I think it's a lot to do with how they are raised, but also they think differently and so to us women seem very selfish as they put their needs above others. And lazy, so flipping lazy!!!Need some advice on my relationship?
Ok first red flag is 7 years of being engaged but no marriage. It is wrong of him to say that about not getting the baby out because he was tired but his mom could have gotten the baby out anyways and took care of him so that looks poorly on both of them. Chances are she did the same thing when he was a baby. I haven't met a lot of men that aren't lazy when it comes to taking care of babies and kids. If the kid can't take care of him/herself then the men don't want to get up and take care of them. It is horrible but common.
I wouldn't be so worried about him having his mom there. It is his mom and he has every right to spend time with her as you do to spend time with your mom. I know it is frustrating but true.
I would talk to him about routine for the baby and how important it is. Open his eyes up to the fact that a soaked diaper can cause a rash and lead to infection on your son and that children do best on a routine when it comes to eating. He might get upset but it still needs to be said. Ask if he has a problem keeping your son while you are gone, if he does then maybe your mom will keep your son anytime you are gone.
Although you love this man you need to do what is best for your child. Being left like that can only get you into trouble. If he can't be out working now and getting you a place of your own and having a stable relationship outside your parents house then maybe it is time for you to move on. It sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. But you need to realize when enough is enough and take action. If my husband ever did that to one of my kids he would be out on his *** quicker than sh it. He best put the child before him self like you do...like any pareent would do. Good luck and think about the baby and how you want him to be...if that is like his father then keep him around to teach him his tricks...otherwise teach your child what is right and kick that man to the curb.
TO be completly honest with you, I have a husband that was the same way. I am shocked that you were even able to get away for the weekend. There's absoultly no excuse for neglecting a child. When you have kids, you gotta do what they need, when they need it. Thats just how it is. I know your pretty upset right now, but if you want it to work, you gotta realize that it's a process. Inform him that its actually dangerous, not to mention cruel, that he not take care of the babies needs first. If he doesn't want to change, then you know what you gotta do. But if he is willing, then work with him and make him realize that sleeping in because your tired is not going to feel good if something, God forbid, happens to that baby. Take it easy, and God Bless!
Let me tell you something there seems to be a pattern with young people today having these kids before marriage and than want to dump the man that fathered their children you should have thought about this before havng child. That this man was lazy would pay no attention to the child get real.
best of luck.
Sounds like there is a reason he's only a fiance of 7 years.
Unfortunately he's the father of your child and you'll always have to be around him to some extent. The end decision you make is up to you. Either accept him the way he is an stay around being the fiance. Or raise your son on your own, which it sounds like you have to do now anyway.
I know it is hard to raise children without a father ,but he is already showing you signs that he is not responsible. no ring, no house. I have did it without the ring for 17yrs.but, sharing the responsibilities of our kids, we had one to graduate and two more will be out in two more yrs. Talk with him about your concerns. Give him a chance to do better. Come up with a plan for that will work for both of you. If he is not doing better after a few months, dont waist your time. You have to start early installing good values and morals in your child. Obvisiously his mother didnt understand that. Greaselighting works good on cleaning your matress!
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